No hillbilly song lyric to start with this month, but we’re still in the same crazy, unpredictable times. From our chair, the month of June saw a lot of jewelry stores opening in one fashion or another, and some, thank goodness, to an encouraging uptick in business. I even had one company tell me this has been the busiest they have ever been outside of the Christmas season. Go figure? That’s all promising. We are seeing more jobs advertised, but I’m still hearing words of caution from some on the hiring front:

“Don’t know what the future is going to bring with more of the virus.”

“Hate to hire someone now and then have to lay them off in a couple of months.”

”I might talk to a candidate now, but I would want to see where we are with the virus in September.”

I think the operative word for bench jewelers/watchmakers in these times is PATIENCE. We will get through this and hiring will get back to normal, but it may take just a little while. In the meantime, please do what you need to do to stay safe (hand washing, social distancing, masks, etc.). We’re going to try and brighten your day one more time with a little laughter.

Laughter is the Best Medicine – Part 2

A woman and a lawyer were seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NYC. The lawyer asked if she would like to play a fun game.

The woman, tired, just wanted to take a nap, politely declined, and rolled over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explained, “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa.”

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, “Okay, if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500.00.”

This catches the woman’s attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?”

The woman doesn’t say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the lawyer. “Okay,” says the lawyer, “your turn”.

She asks the lawyer, “What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?”

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and co-workers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the woman and hands her $500.00.

The woman says, “Thank you,” and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the woman and asks, “Well, what’s the answer”

Without a word, the woman reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about. Until one day . . .

For all these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman gets very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife’s bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.

He asked her about the contents. “When we were to be married, she said, my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll”.

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.

“Honey,” he said, “that explains the dolls, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?”

“Oh”, she said, “that’s the money I made from selling dolls.”

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don’t take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don’t know. I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I’d forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying “Hello.” I politely said, “This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?” Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear “Get the right frigging number!” and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn’t believe that anyone could be so rude.

When I tracked down Robyn’s correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the “wrong” number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, “You’re an idiot!” and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word “idiot” next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I’d call him and yell, “You’re an idiot!” It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic “idiot” calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, “Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I’m calling to see if you’re familiar with our Caller ID Program?” He yelled “NO!” and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, “That’s because you’re an idiot!” and hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I’d been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a “For Sale” sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first idiot (I had his number on speed dial), I thought that I’d better call the BMW idiot, too.

I said, “Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?” He said, “Yes, it is.” I asked, “Can you tell me where I can see it?” He said, “Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax. It’s a yellow ranch, and the car is parked right out in front.”

I asked, “What’s your name?” He said, “My name is Don Hansen.” I asked, “When’s a good time to catch you Don?” He said, “I’m home every evening after five.”

I said, “Listen, Don, can I tell you something?”

He said, “Yes?”

I said, “Don, you’re an idiot!”

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two idiots to call.

Then I came up with an idea. I call idiot #1. He said, “Hello.” I said, “You’re an idiot!” (But I didn’t hang up.) He asked, “Are you still there?” I said, “Yeah.” He screamed, “Stop calling me.” I said, “Make me.” He asked, “Who are you?” I said, “My name is Don Hansen.” He said, “Yeah? Where do you live?” I said, “You idiot, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, a yellow ranch, I have a black Beamer parked in front.” He said, “I’m coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.” I said, “Yeah, like I’m really scared, you idiot.” and hung up.

Then I called idiot #2. He said, “Hello?” I said, “Hello you idiot.” He yelled, “If I ever find out who you are…” I said, “You’ll what?” He exclaimed, “I’ll kick your ass.” I answered, “Well, you idiot, here’s your chance. I’m coming over right now.”

Then I hung up and immediately called the police saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down on Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax.

I quickly got in my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got there just in time to watch two idiots beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better. Anger management really does work!